Cast:
Greg Pritikin.............Johnny
Gary Rosen...............Wiley
Jackie Katzman.........Annie
Heather Donaldson...Cindy
Darek Hasenstab........Alistair
Duane Sharp..............Murray
Written by Greg Pritikin and Gary Rosen
Directed by Greg Pritikin and Gary Rosen
Above: Greg Pritikin
Above: Gary Rosen
Above: Jackie Katzman
Totally Confused: (1998)
There are many gay themed movies out there, some very good. Up until watching ‘Totally Confused’ however, I had never really watched any that came close to my own experience. ‘Totally Confused’ did not mirror my experience exactly, but there were themes and scenes that came pretty damned close. I came out quite late. I was in my mid twenties and had spent many years in a very loving relationship with a very wonderful woman. I am happy to say we are still close today. During this time one of my good friends came out, and that began a journey which I am still on today. My connections with the movie are many and my comments are laced with moments from the movie as well as my own experiences.
I think many gay men are involved in 3 way relationships. When I say 3 way, I am not exactly talking sexual. I am talking about having a good friend, often a women and becoming an important part of her relationship with her boyfriend or husband. Though these relationships can be dangerous, all relationships have risks really, it is more about not losing your own life to be a ‘tag on’ for another. It took me awhile to learn this important lesson.
‘Totally Confused‘ is a simple story really. Wiley and Johnny are best friends, Johnny is in love with Annie, and of course as it usually happens in a triangle, Wiley is in love with Johnny.
Both Johnny and Wiley take journey’s to become honest with themselves over the course of ‘Totally Confused’. Johnny has to come to terms with the fact the music career he feels in on the brink of taking off is not actually going to happen. Wiley’s journey is a bit more difficult to explain. To me it comes down to him finding a life beyond the time he spends with Johnny and Annie. Without them, he usually spends most of his time, when not working, alone. His only company being the extensive porn collection he holds on so closely to.
I identified with both Johnny and Wiley in ‘Totally Confused’ and at different points of my life was both of them. At the core of the movie is their friendship and although it goes through some changes, I really loved how Pritikin and Rosen respected both characters through the changes and made neither of them a victim or a hero. Just guys going through life, sometimes fooling themselves, but ultimately achieving small victories which really is all we can expect in life.
The movie is full of lines and dialogue that spoke to me in one way or another and I am sure are universal and apply to many of you.
“I don’t see why you care so much” Johnny to Wiley about his relationship with Annie.
-I remember being heavily invested in some of the love lives of a couple of close straight friends of mine. It was not that I ever thought (or wanted) a sexual relationship with them, but having a good friend find a partner can be scary for many, it was for me the fear that they might leave you and you would be alone. Sometimes this has you interfering a bit more in their lives than you really should be.
‘What do you know about Fags, you run whenever you see one’ Johnny to Wiley.
-When I was in the closet the scariest thing to me was interacting with another gay man. I stupidly worried anyone who might see me with a gay man would instantly know I was too. So silly in hindsight, but so real at the time. I still know little about ‘gay life’ really, living in a rural area, sometimes I feel I need to take a course.
“I went to a gay bar last night, I just didn’t go in.’ Wiley to Johnny.
When I came out, for some reason I thought I had to go to a gay bar to actually be gay. The problem was my 1 gay friend was off to university and I had no one to go with. This line made me laugh as I remember driving to the one gay bar I knew of in a nearby city and sitting in my car for about 30 minutes before I turned around and went home. I felt like I accomplished something just by going to the location even though I did not go in. I still have no interest really in going to gay bars. Maybe I have never been to the right one. The few times I have gone, I usually end up leaving early. I do plan on hitting Splash the next time I am in New York though...
‘He has hair in his nose’ Wiley to Johnny about why he is not going to go out with a guy on a second date.
My friends (some still do) think any one gay guy should be attracted to the other. and it was hilarious to me some of the guys my friends would fix me up with. Any guy who said he was gay at one time or another I was pushed towards, no matter how incompatible we were.
‘Just because I hate everybody does not make me depressed’ Wiley to Johnny
I just love that line as it applies to me in so many ways and on so many days.
‘The whole human interaction thing is so over rated’ Wiley to Johnny.
Same reason as above.
I want to thank Pritikin and Rosen for finally writing a story that I could relate so closely to. ‘Totally Confused’ to me says so much and breaks down stereotypes quietly and with humor without having to bash a lesson down the viewers throat. ‘Totally Confused’ introduces the audience to two men, both with immense vulnerabilities wide open for all to see. They try so hard to keep them hidden, an in that hiding they actually expose themselves more than they intended.
All of the actors do a great job, and the leads are all likable, particularly Pritikin. The magic in 'Totally Confused' is in the writing though, with many cultural references you might need to watch twice to catch.
Near the end of the movie we hear a bit of ‘The Rose’ theme playing. I need to say I am sorry to Bette Midler as I always thought this song was too over the top and hated it for that reason. But a song that for so long I loathed, actually has a line that sums up this movie and the lesson I needed to learn in order to be happy. ‘It’s the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to live’. Sappy of course but after all these years, that song finally has a bit of meaning to me.
I wholeheartedly recommend renting or buying ‘Totally Confused’. I got mine on Amazon. I should tell you all it is not filled with tons of sex and nudity, and the drama is not on the breathtaking grand epic proportion of a ‘Brokeback Mountain’. This is a character piece with real life events. The changes in the characters over the course of the movie are small ones, yet monumental. Much like real life. I loved this movie, but understand it may not be for all. Love to hear thoughts from others who have seen this movie. This movie did not hit me so much for what it is, but more for what it meant to me. For that, I again thank Pritikin and Rosen.
Johnny and Wiley's first time was far too familiar to me...
